lately i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed and like i never have anytime for myself and the things i enjoy doing. notice a theme here? lots of "i" and "me" going on? not long after i'd had a little "i" and "me" breakdown, i woke up late that night/early the next morning, to hope crying. when it didn't subside, i decided to go get her. we sat rocking in the chair for a little bit before she threw up all over me. it was alarming, to say the least. christian woke up and helped get her cleaned up while i cleaned up myself and the residual effects of the vomit. he sat in the chair with her all night and held the bowl for her to throw up in a half dozen more times. the next day she still wasn't feeling great. she was pretty tired and clingy. vance was also having a rough time. he had been constipated for a few days. he was in a lot of pain. i accidentally gave him too much milk of magnesia, which caused the opposite kind of gastric distress. needless to say, he was pretty clingy too. most of that afternoon i was holding two crying babies. luckily minnie was being a little angel, having fun playing by herself and helping grab things for me when needed. after all this, i had a thought. this moment of clarity was something i don't want to forget. i was, again, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, but realized the importance of what was happening. as i sat back and thought about the day i realized that i was, in fact, doing what i wanted to be doing. this season of my life is about giving to these sweet, little humans that i love so much. holding them and loving them, even and especially when, i'm covered in vomit and poop, this is what this stage is intended for. i can choose to love it, or wish it away desiring my own wants and needs. in that moment, i chose to love it. i realized that when i make this choice, it will do more for me, than anything else i could possibly be spending my time on.
