there is a story, "welcome to holland" that is often shared in the down syndrome community. it was written by emily perl kingsley in 1987. our OB shared a revised version of it with us right after she told us that hope had characteristics of a child with down syndrome. our good friends, tony and kelly smith, gave us a copy of the story right after hope was born. the president of the utah down syndrome foundation also gave us a copy. the story goes like this:
i am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. it's like this....
when you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to italy. you buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. the coliseum. the michelangelo david. the gondolas in venice. you may learn some handy phrases in italian. it's all very exciting.
after months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. you pack your bags and off you go. several hours later, the plan lands. the stewardess comes in and says, "welcome to holland."
"holland?!?" you say. "what do you mean holland?? i signed up for italy! i'm supposed to be in italy. all my life i've dreamed of going to italy.
but there's been a change in the flight plan. they've landed in holland and there you must stay.
the important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. it's just a different place.
so you must go out and buy new guide books. and you must learn a whole new language. and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
it's just a different place. it's slower-paced than italy, less flashy than italy. but after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that holland has windmills...and holland has tuilps. holland even has rembrandts.
but everyone you know is busy coming and going from italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. and for the rest of your life, you will say "yes, that's where i was supposed to go. that's what i had planned.
and the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
but...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to italy, you many never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about holland.
and, that is the story. i love most parts of the story. i don't love the part that talks about how the pain of not going to italy will never go away because of the significant loss. i am certain there will be pain as we see hope struggle to do things that many children don't struggle doing. but, there hasn't been, and i don't foresee there being pain that she isn't another person. the fact that she is in our family is a huge gain. she is who she is, and we look forward to watching and helping her become all she can be.
it seems to me that most things in life are like "holland". we plan and expect that things will turn out a certain way. most often, things turn our differently than we planned. it is a blessing that they do turn out differently, because our plan would never do what God's plan can do for us. His plan is so much more appropriate for our lives and what we need. so, i am welcoming holland and finding that it is a beautiful place!
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i am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared the unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. it's like this....
when you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to italy. you buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. the coliseum. the michelangelo david. the gondolas in venice. you may learn some handy phrases in italian. it's all very exciting.
after months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. you pack your bags and off you go. several hours later, the plan lands. the stewardess comes in and says, "welcome to holland."
"holland?!?" you say. "what do you mean holland?? i signed up for italy! i'm supposed to be in italy. all my life i've dreamed of going to italy.
but there's been a change in the flight plan. they've landed in holland and there you must stay.
the important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. it's just a different place.
so you must go out and buy new guide books. and you must learn a whole new language. and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
it's just a different place. it's slower-paced than italy, less flashy than italy. but after you've been there for awhile and you catch your breath, you look around...and you begin to notice that holland has windmills...and holland has tuilps. holland even has rembrandts.
but everyone you know is busy coming and going from italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. and for the rest of your life, you will say "yes, that's where i was supposed to go. that's what i had planned.
and the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
but...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to italy, you many never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about holland.
and, that is the story. i love most parts of the story. i don't love the part that talks about how the pain of not going to italy will never go away because of the significant loss. i am certain there will be pain as we see hope struggle to do things that many children don't struggle doing. but, there hasn't been, and i don't foresee there being pain that she isn't another person. the fact that she is in our family is a huge gain. she is who she is, and we look forward to watching and helping her become all she can be.
it seems to me that most things in life are like "holland". we plan and expect that things will turn out a certain way. most often, things turn our differently than we planned. it is a blessing that they do turn out differently, because our plan would never do what God's plan can do for us. His plan is so much more appropriate for our lives and what we need. so, i am welcoming holland and finding that it is a beautiful place!
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