lately i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed and like i never have anytime for myself and the things i enjoy doing. notice a theme here? lots of "i" and "me" going on? not long after i'd had a little "i" and "me" breakdown, i woke up late that night/early the next morning, to hope crying. when it didn't subside, i decided to go get her. we sat rocking in the chair for a little bit before she threw up all over me. it was alarming, to say the least. christian woke up and helped get her cleaned up while i cleaned up myself and the residual effects of the vomit. he sat in the chair with her all night and held the bowl for her to throw up in a half dozen more times. the next day she still wasn't feeling great. she was pretty tired and clingy. vance was also having a rough time. he had been constipated for a few days. he was in a lot of pain. i accidentally gave him too much milk of magnesia, which caused the opposite kind of gastric distress. needless to say, he was pretty clingy too. most of that afternoon i was holding two crying babies. luckily minnie was being a little angel, having fun playing by herself and helping grab things for me when needed. after all this, i had a thought. this moment of clarity was something i don't want to forget. i was, again, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, but realized the importance of what was happening. as i sat back and thought about the day i realized that i was, in fact, doing what i wanted to be doing. this season of my life is about giving to these sweet, little humans that i love so much. holding them and loving them, even and especially when, i'm covered in vomit and poop, this is what this stage is intended for. i can choose to love it, or wish it away desiring my own wants and needs. in that moment, i chose to love it. i realized that when i make this choice, it will do more for me, than anything else i could possibly be spending my time on.
Friday, February 26, 2016
it has been a crazy 6 months, to say the least. within a few weeks this summer moved from logan to heber, had a baby, christian started a new job at BYU and he defended his dissertation at USU. i am just starting to come out of what I like to call the "newborn fog" where the baby is so tiny and my head is foggy from lack of sleep and hormone imbalance. as i have been coming out of the fog, I have been reflecting on how many big events happened in a very short time frame. it seems a bit surreal when i think back on it. so many wonderful things that i am so grateful for took place. having said that, i have no desire for that many wonderful things to take place in such a short time frame ever again. christian has been our rock. i'm so grateful for him. i've seen that sweet look on his face in the picture below directed at each one of our family members. if that look doesn't just melt your heart, I don't know what will.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
Friday, May 1, 2015
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
we aren't really the romantic types.