love

my dad loves hallmark movies. i always pretend that i don't even like the blasted things. however, when they are on, i am generally drawn in. i always end up crying at the end and learning something new and insightful. tonight as i've been on the computer trying to work on a few projects, there has been a hallmark movie playing in the background. it has me thinking. is it harder to love, or not to love?

quoting steve carrell from dan in real life, "love isn't an emotion, it's an ability." i've been thinking about this too.

mahatma ghandi said, "where there is love, there is life."

my thoughts - yes, opening ourselves up to love can be a daunting task. if it has failed, it's hard to imagine trying again. it is easier to harden ourselves to the vulnerabilities. really though, if love doesn't work out, does that mean it has failed? it seems to me that failure comes when we let something defeat us. if a lesson is learned then there is no failure. lessons bring opportunity. i think love begins as an emotion. when that emotion starts to hurt, we can allow that to impede our progress, or we can open our hearts to the process of healing, mending, and the ability to feel the emotion of love in a deeper abundance. continuing to open our hearts to love makes life full. to love may be harder than not to love. it takes more of a risk, i know that much. however, i think it ends up being the better choice. allowing ourselves to develop the ability to feel the emotion of love and give our love to others creates a life that is full. the risk empowers us and creates an inner strength that can positively affect our lives and the lives of others. it's true, "where there is love, there is life."

for the record, the hallmark movie is ending and i am crying...

thanksgiving

"this corn is like an angel." -steve carell

it really is though. i know the thought of creamed corn makes a lot of stomachs churn and gag reflexes go off. however, i believe it has a lot to do with the fact that they have never tasted this "angel corn". it is one of my favorite thanksgiving foods. how can you go wrong with half and half, parmesan cheese, and cayenne pepper?

now on to the day of thankfulness. i love the nostalgia of this season, specifically the nostalgia of this blessed day. thanksgiving dinner was at the petersen household. mom, in her oh-so-endearing way, went over the top with food and fun. kip, ginny, chelsea, and jocelyn came on wednesday night to help out and spend the night. it was so much fun. we stayed up until 1:00 a.m. preparing for dinner the next day, gabbing, laughing, and decorating napkins. the napkin decorating turned into a lot of fun. mom wanted us to stamp the napkins and make them real pretty. that worked for while. however, kip got a hold of a few markers and he and i started having fun. he drew a few cute cartoons of turkeys with captions saying things like, "how about some chicken?"

i loved just being home and enjoying the presence of my family. there is something special about my parents house. the moment i walk through the doors i feel at ease. life seems simplier. happy times are happier. trials seem easier to face. the spirit of love is definitely felt. don't get me wrong - we don't have a flawless family. we definitely have our vices. things aren't always perfect at the petersen's. however, home is a haven. i think both my brothers and i would agree that home has always been a place that we know we will be loved, even when we do stupid things. mom and dad have really created an enviroment of peace and comfort. i love being home! i love the feeling, i love the smells, i love the voices, i love the work that needs to be done, i love the feeling of acceptance. it's a good place to be.

something to note - i moved up from the kid table to the grown-up table this year. it has taken 29 years. i think it was by default, nonetheless, i feel it a rite of passage. i feel like i'm kind of a big deal now....

arizona

i recently went on another work trip. this time i hopped on the plane and landed in phoenix, arizona. although we enjoyed the familiarity of a late night in-n-out run, it wasn't a typical work trip. this time around was a staff retreat. the wealthcounsel and advisors forum staff flew in from both ends of the country to meet for a lot of team building, personality profiling, and just plain fun. you'll notice from the picture above, we really were in the middle of the desert for the team building exercises. as you see, i'm not afraid of a little port-o-potty. i've seen a few of these in my day.

the team building was a great experience. there were a lot of people from the wealthcounsel staff who don't know the advisors forum staff and vice versa. we played all sorts of games and had to really open up and rely on each other to make it through the games. we played games that really made us think. at the end of the day we participated in a ropes course. it was inspiring to see how everyone rallied together and really wanted the others to succeed. i felt like there were a lot of relationships forged. it was fascinating to watch so many different personalities work together and succeed. i really saw the strengths of a team working together to make things happen.

our second day included personality profiling. this activity was fascinating to me. i've thought a lot about it since and have been trying to incorporate it in my day-to-day. before the retreat, we all took a personality profile test. it is called the DiSC profile. it reminds me a lot of the color personality test. you know, the red, blue, white, and yellow personalities. the personality profiling helped us recognize how we communicate and how we react to the way others communicate with us. we had a speaker explain to us his understanding of what works and what doesn't with each of the profiles. the breakdown of each category in layman's terms is as follows:

D = dominant

i = incessant talker

S = steady

C = calculator

my personal profile is really high in C, S, and i. i hardly have any D. the realization that this combination is not right or wrong, it's just one of many combinations that works was interesting and effective.

the speaker ran us through a few exercises and analyzed how we reacted. it was fascinating to watch as the dominant people finished the exercises and felt like they were wasting time waiting for the calculators who didn't seem to have enough time. we found that we all have elements of each of the categories, but there are usually one or two that we are strongest in. understanding our own style is only a part of successful communication. understanding other's style is key to adapting and strengthening relationships. in the end, the speaker talked about how important it is to be certain that we are aware of other's feelings and needs. if we have offended, we need to recognize and express sincere concern. showing interest in how others feel and what they need increases our capability to be strong as an organization. this principle rings true. it is so easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that the world revolves around me. i continually face the harsh reality that it doesn't. it's so refreshing when i personally recognize that all the planets aren't circling around me before it needs to be pointed out.

some of my favorite memories of the trip include:

• jonathan mintz pulling up to the airport in a 14 passenger van.
• jim hillhouse asking me all about my mission in taiwan as we were at the chinese restaraunt. he was making me feel like such an expert.
• the success of making it across the high-wire/tight rope with lori berry. we felt like we'd conquered the world!
• kelly rees teaching pat fleming to text message.
• jonathan graciously letting me take his first class seat on the trip back home.

all in all, i'd say it was a successful trip. i'd take another one of these work trips in a heartbeat!

my little dup-a-dup

spencer always makes me smile, even when he is more excited about the "where's waldo" book than spending time with his auntie erin. something about this child brightens my life. i love his big bear hugs, his kisses, how excited he gets to play ping pong, his sweet laugh, and the way his face lights up and he runs with his arms open for a hug when he sees nana and papa. the innocence of a child give me a feeling of joy that is so different than any other feeling. his little spencerisms are amazing- one of my favorites is when he starts singing, "dup-a-dup-a-dup-a-dup..." i have no idea what it means, but i love it and i love him.

one world

comfartable crisp fall weather, a 12 mile run, finding deals at the d.i., and lunch at one world cafe http://www.oneworldeverybodyeats.com/ filled my saturday a few weekends ago. enz, stacie, and i decided we wanted a day of physical exhasution followed by delectable and healthy whole foods. we were all extremely pleased by the events of the day. one world was not just good food, but a thought provoking experience which i have referred back to many times since. when we walked into the cafe, a nice man asked us if we had been to the restaurant before. he could probably tell by stacie and my deer-in-headlights look, that we didn't really know what to do. he proceeded to tell us that they will give us an envelope to put our money in. it was up to us to decide how much we felt like the meal was worth. he was sure to address the fact that he sometimes we can do more than other times, but it is the idea and hope that everything will even out as we all give what we can. as they served up the food that i wanted and as i sat at the table and ate, i was very humbled. my ideas turned to the thoughts of wants and needs. how much do i want vs. how much do i really need filled my head. i also started thinking about how much i could give vs. how much did i want to give. the idea of how much it was worth morphed into an idea of not only how much was the food worth, but how much was the time of the people preparing the food and the work to grow the food. the whole experience reminded me that we are all in this together. there are so many differences in this beautiful world, yet so many similarities. it reminded me of time i spent in taiwan, when i battled the feelings of culture shock - everything and everyone seemed so different. as i began to assimilate into the asian culture and society, the process of recognition of my similarities and commanalities with all the people and things around me became apparent and tangible. i recognized in such a real way that with all the differences around us, we as a human race live in this world together. if we strip down the differences, the recognition of physical needs are there for each of us. our experiences shape and mold us into different people, however as i came to open up to the people of taiwan, the realization that we all have love inside of us, and all of us want to share that love with others is there, sometimes we just don't know how to share it. as i have been working through this thought in my head, the idea that has stuck is that the best way to share love is to give love in the way those around us need it. figuring out how people around us need it and then giving in that way is then the challenge. so, while i had $7 to spend on my meal at one world that day, my feeling was that the experience was priceless.

viva las vegas

viva las vegas baby! that is were i was oct. 30th - nov. 2nd. in all honesty, i don't love vegas, in fact, i don't really even like it. the irony of that statement is the number of times i have been to las vegas. i am not even going to figure that out - that would be like trying to figure out the number of guys i have kissed, way too hard. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge...just kidding mom! that was a joke.) one of the reasons i am not a huge fan of the place has to do with the strip. luckily, i only made my way to the strip once on this trip. it wasn't too bad either. i just drove straight to the restaraunt, which was probably a little frightening for the passengers, but i didn't hear any complaining, because they asked me to drive. i was in las vegas for work. seeing all my co-workers was wonderful. i don't see them often enough. they are really great. i love the time i get to spend with them...even if it is in las vegas. a few highlights of the trip (as you can see in the pictures above) include talking to elvis, pounding burgers from in-n-out after a delightfully expensive sushi dinner, and getting together with old friends. the picture of me and $93.47 worth of in-n-out food in the back of a vehicle is proof that we were inundated with in-n-out. knowing about this tradition that is so affectionately called "dessert", i was really careful during our sushi dinner. i had to prove myself by eating an animal style protein burger. i figured the burger minus the buns would be doable. but alas, i still had a hamburger hangover in the morning. i spent halloween in vegas, which everyone says is crazy. i wouldn't know because i was sooooo tired that after the events of the day, i just went to my hotel room and slept. although i don't love las vegas, i was reminded that you can find good people where ever you go - not only did i have the pleasure of seeing my colleagues and some of my clients, i also had the chance to spend most of sunday with my friend from logan -reggie whitaker, and his cousin and my mission friend - andrew taylor. they are dental students at UNLV. i had a tour of their pad, reggie and i picked andrew up at the airport, we were all able to go to church together and snap some pictures afterward. if any of you know andrew and my history you would know, it consists of 14 long years of embarassing pictures. i'll see if i can find some of the pictures and write a separate post about it. i can promise it will be entertaining. after the trip, i was really happy to be in viva la utah - home sweet home...

whirlwind weekend

i don't even know where to begin. i just had one of the best weekends ever! okay, so really it was a few weekends ago, i have just been real lackadaisical in my blogging efforts. the thing is, i have really wanted to blog, but i just haven't made the time to do it - it's all about priorities, right kids? this blog entry SHOULD have been a top priority, because it was a weekend of fun, fun, fun. let me just get into the meat of this entry. oct. 24th through 25th were the dates of the said events. friday after work, julie mckinnon, enz crane, and i took a little trip up to logan in julie's silver bullet. we were headed to the land of logan to attend a special event - the premier showing of wizardry. wizardry has been a masterpiece in the making for the past year or so. enz's brothers, chad and travis, along with a few other helpers have been working on this movie for awhile now. i have been living vicariously through enz. (she has been on the set, and even helped control the fog machine.) she has been telling me step by step, piece by piece about the making of this movie. i was elated when enz told me the premier was going to be in logan at our alma mater - utah state university. we got there and met our dates. i know, i know - this is a big event, i had a date! even better, my date was taking me to the usu homecoming dance. in the 5-6 years (give or take) i was at utah state for my undergrad, i never once went to the homecoming dance. this was like a dream come true! i felt like cinderella at the ball. the best part about it was that there were no pretenses and it wasn't some big planned out event. our friend, levi wanted to take enz to the dance and i was coming up to logan as well. i think levi twisted our other friend eric gardiner into taking me. i had no shame. when he called me at the last minute and told me to bring a gown for the dance, i was all about it! we all watched the movie - which was AMAZING! chad and travis have talent. the movie was a 18 minute non-fiction film about dungeons and dragons. there were warlocks, gnomes, flying cheetos, and amazing one liners. it was very napolean dynamitesque in the most non-cliche way ever. there were points that i was laughing so hard i was crying. i loved it. as a side note, i ran into an old high school acquaintance. come to find out, he did the whold soundtrack for the film. (this is where, if we had audio, the "it's a small world" theme song would start playing.) julie, enz, and i parted ways. julie....well, i'll let you ask her where she went. the only information i am willing to divulge is that our gal jules had a pretty exciting night. the dance double dates headed back to the boys apartment to get all dressed in our prom date get up. it was so fun to get to wear my dress my "black tie event" dress again. i purchased it for a work event, and don't get that many chances to wear it. eric and i went to my parents house so he could meet them. (in all reality, eric just needed to borrow my dad's staple gun.) he didn't only meet the parents but 3 other couples that they are friends with. talk about baptism by fire...eric was up for it though. did you see that picture of him up above, with a fedora like that wouldn't you be up for it too? after meeting the parents, enz, levi, eric, and i were, in the words of steve miller, off to "dance, dance, dance all night long." what an enchanting evening it was. as cheesy at it may sound, eric really was a prince and he REALLY did make me feel like cinderella at the ball. the night was filled with all sorts of great dancing from big band swing, to waltzing, to some crazy hip hop jazz. in retrospect, i realize how patient eric was being. i don't really dance well, but we were just having fun and laughing every time i fell off my high heels or stepped on his toes. usu homecoming '08 was the BEST dance ever. what a night. the awkwardness of trying to be impressive and cool, like we all dealt with at high school dances wasn't there. you know why, because we didn't have anything to prove - we were confident in our coolness! it was also so pleasant having doubling with my best friend and one of the funniest guys alive. the fact that we didn't have to come up with some sort of creative way that included goldfish and hershey's kisses to say yes to the invite to the date was really refreshing too! not having to spend 12 hours of the day with our dates playing laser tag, having a picnic at willow park with sand volleyball and taking time to look at the peacocks and monkeys, spending 2 hours getting ready for the date putting sequins in my updo, going to dinner at the coppermill where all the old people in town could stare at us, then going back to the boys pad and watching "back to the future" and wondering if my date was going to hold my hand was a very pleasant thing to NOT have to do. it was just the right amount of everything. the next day was jam packed with fun too. stacie and i woke up super early on saturday and went on a little joggy jog. i wanted to do something active and know i wouldn't have a second later on in the day to do it. it was my old roommate, melissa petersen's wedding day. melissa and nolan johnson were finally tying the note. melissa and i lived together the last year i was in logan and we got pretty tight. we had a lot of late night talks about relationships and i think we pretty much had the world figured out by the time i moved out of the ole' blvd. house. melissa and nolan dated for a really long time. off and on for about 5 years. i learned a lot from the two of them and am so thankful for the friendships i have been able to create with the two of them. i recognize that they taught me a lot about two good people working hard to make a relationship work. they taught me about love and the importance of different aspects of it. it was such a sweet thing to sit in the sealing room at the american fork temple and see that love so vividly as they made covenants with God and sealed their love and marriage for time and eternity. recently i have been feeling a lot of turmoil inside because of the state of our nation and the world - so much wickedness is around us. however, as i watched and felt the love in the room as melissa and nolan got married, i was reminded that the world is going to be alright. my heart was at peace. the realization that good people are commiting to each other and to their future families to live good lives, to support and strengthen each other, to have faith in a power greater than themselves, and to bring children into this world in an enviroment where they can be nutured and grow in goodness, is a beautiful thing. after the wedding i headed to the luncheon. meagan wade latimer, who was another roommate of mine and melissa's, and her husband, scott, were there. they are another absolutely admirable couple. to my surprise, my new relief society president in my salt lake ward, andrea dawson was there. apparently she and melissa were roommates in logan before melissa and i were roomates. (it's a small world theme song...) after the luncheon i hurried to thanksgiving point. i met my parents, ryan, rachel, spencer, and jack. we went to cornbelly's. it as a little halloween/autumtime family play place. it was so much fun to just hang with the fam. (although, i was missing lance.) there was a pumpkin princess pageant with all sorts of little girls dressed up in princess dresses. if i'd have know ahead of time, i would have brought my prom dress from the night before to compete. alas, i just had to let the other little princesses enjoy the limelight. spencer raced rubber ducks with a water pump, we watched pigs race, papa and spencer roped fake bulls and we just soaked in the warmth of the sun. i drove to logan again after our little family event at thanksgiving point. i got to melissa and nolan's reception a little later than expected. melissa looked so beautiful. i loved seeing nolan's dad again. he is the coolest, toughest rancher cowboy. that kind of man is far and few between in our world today and i just like being around them. as i was trying to leave i kept running into people i knew. it was super fun. my favorite was when cute, little hannah whiting came up to me and tapped me on the side. when i looked down at her and saw who it was she jumped up into my arms. i sure miss those darling whiting kids. then hannah said, "sam, it's erin. remember, she used to live by us?" her little brother sam, just gave his sweet, little grin that is all too familiar. after the reception i raced to the ellen eccles theater to meet my sweet friend brenda sun. brenda has been trying to get me to go to a play with her since april to thank me for helping her with an art show she did. we were finally able to do it. i was a little late for the play, true to form, and brenda was sweet and gracious about it. we were both so excited to see each other and catch up. the play was wonderful. it was little women - such a sweet story. brenda was even more wonderful. it was so exciting to hear about her life. she recently got engaged to "the love of her life". it is such a sweet thing to see her in love. wow! what a weekend - dancing, weddings, family, friends - the important things in life!