new - the eve

a new year spent with a room full of strangers trying to make superficial conversation over loud music, and then on to the next party because this one wasn't the biggest and best and coolest. the thought of this annual event nauseated me. this year i rejected that loathing feeling. mother nature has been sending the blessing of snow to us - it has reminded me of winters as a child when the snow was deep and the air was crisp. it has reminded me of the walking to school knee deep in that white stuff, making it to the snowpile that magically appeared every year around the perimeter of the school, and playing a quick game of "king of bunker hill" before the bell rang for classes to start and then again on our trek back home. this kind of season is the kind to be celebrated, and celebrate we did. snowshoeing in the fresh night air up parley's canyon to grace's cabin, enjoying the crunch of the snow under our feet, feeling the warm of a scarf around my neck, gazing at the stars and the dark profile of the trees in the midnight sky all brought 2009 in the way i needed it to come. the origin of peace. the beginning of healing. the start of something that can't really be explained but can be felt. in a cabin in the cold night air these emotions, thoughts, and feelings began. they began because they could begin in the stillness of the winter night. the decision that i would not make resolutions this year, but i would resolve. my resolve is to make this year a year to take care of me - giving myself what i need so that i can give others what they need. a year of self evaluation and indulging in my thoughts. a year to really feel...